Review of Gamer by a gamer
Features
* ISBN13: 0031398116769
* Condition: NEW
* Notes: Brand New from Publisher. No Remainder Mark.
Oh we’ve been played all right…2
Dear Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor,
We appreciate your recent attempt to create a movie that would appeal to gamers by naming it after us. Really, we do. But now that we’ve stopped throwing up from all the motion sickness and our pupils have finally refocused from the flash cuts, we thought you might appreciate some tips to help you farm XP faster.
* Stop with the static: Seriously guys. Stop it. Apparently in your version of the future all video games have terrible reception. We have lag, we have crashes, we have all kinds of problems, but the one problem we do not have is static. That’s because our video games are not television screens. You’ll also notice that our television do not have static either, and haven’t had static for about a decade since they invented this thing called cable. Look it up.
* Speaking of Kable: Cable is the name of a time-traveling cyborg in the Marvel Universe. Kable is the name somebody thinks gamers think is cool. Nobody thinks Kable is cool. Nobody believes Kable is the best killer in the gaming universe. You didn’t even use 133t speak, so…fail.
* Making Michael C. Hall an evil genius is…a stroke of genius. Go Dexter!
* Stop with the red/blue colors: Ludacris is cool and all, but even his cyber cred is sorely tested by a blurry 3-D image on screen.
* The teabagging gag was funny.
* Your jump cuts suck: We notice when you replace rapid jump cuts with actual fight choreography. It’s the movie equivalent of shouting and pointing, “LOOK! A KITTY!” every time a fight starts. You just look stupid and we feel embarrassed for you.
* Dancing convicts are hilarious. Convicts dancing to a Frank Sinatra song is vaguely creepy. But still hilarious.
* Why is there still lag in the future? Bad guys can control other human beings by changing their brain cells into [INSERT STUPID MADE UP NAME] but we haven’t solved lag? Is this future made of stupid?
* Evil Villain Tip #58: Next time around, you might want to consider not making the guy who holds your deepest, darkest secret an international broadcast superstar.
* Don’t insult us: No offense, but portraying the gaming universe as nothing but “deviants and murderers” doesn’t really make us want to watch your movie. Yes, the Internet has a dark side. But since you called the movie “Gamer” and not “All Gamers Are Disgusting Fat Perverted Slobs Who Watch Porn All Day,” we’ll assume you actually want us to buy a ticket. Please consider this the next time you name a movie after us.
And finally…
* Thank you for killing John Leguizamo: That’s not a tip. But thank you.
We hope that these tips prove useful the next time you level up as directors and writers. Incidentally, multiclassing as both might not be such a good idea.
A vehicle for Gerard Butler4
My great-nephew is a gamer. I’ve seen mayhem and murder on his screen, car wrecks and massive body counts that magically disappear in order to get to the next point of contact for more mayhem and murder. I ask him: “Is that it? You just keep going and killing?” “Yeah, pretty much,” he says. “What’s the point then?” I ask. “To see how many you can kill.”
To see how many you can kill. Sweet. Which takes me to “Gamer,” Gerard Butler’s latest film. He makes so many, it is hard to keep up. When I was reviewing my pay-per-view choices, I was so surprised to find this movie–with my man! Click. I made the purchase. Watching it reminded me of my great-nephew. Gamers. There all resemblances end. My nephew plays for fun and skill-making. Butler as an innocent convict plays to get out of prison, provides he lives through all 30 games. It is not fun, but life and death. People literally die in this game.
While other reviewers pretty much dissed this movie, I kind of liked it (but then Butler is in it). My first thought–as it is with movies like this (put a man/woman in a trapped life-or-death situation) and watch them live or die, according to the director’s determination (only we know that the main character will likely live to tell his story). It’s going from Point A to Point Z or somewhere in-between that gives us that voyeuristic thrill. What stories like this always remind me of is “Running Man” with Arnold Schwarzeneggar, a film made at least 20 years ago. That story has this plot line: Man (and woman) are put in a trapped situation with a life or death scenario to play out. Sound familiar? The main character’s will power and specialness (as famous movie star playing an innocent trapped victim) will–dare I say it?–always see him conquer, survive, and thrive.
So it will be with Butler’s character. But getting there is the thrill for the viewer. Butler had to die in “300″ because of history, but in a fantasy/apocalyptic-type movie, he obviously will win, not only his freedom, but… I know I’m on thin ice revealing Butler’s victory, but a five-year-old child knows he will win. After all, this is Gerard Butler.
One reviewer found it laughable that Butler pukes and (urinates) in a car’s gas tank to make it run. That, dear director, was rather lame, but I made an excuse for you as I watched: Cars of the future have the capability of converting the gases of puke and (urine) into fuel. Yep, a stretch, but I give it. After all, it is Butler’s puke and (urine).
The other actor whose work I admire and who enhances the movie with merely his presence is Michael C. Hall, focus player in the Dexter series. Just Hall’s voice alone, but let’s add his facial expressions, and the product is an excellent bit of acting, adding more validity to the movie. My favorite part, though, my very favorite part is Hall singing and dancing to “I Get a Kick out of You” with his back-up dance line of demented, brain-tampered convicts. Oh, how clever. What a bit of Tarantino thought process. What a brilliant piece of imaginative film action. What a surprise bit of black humor.
Overall, I actually enjoyed this movie and give it four stars, a generous gesture on my part, mainly because it is an interesting vehicle for the talents of Gerard Butler and Michael C. Hall. Everyone else was mediocre and replaceable.
Interesting take on the future4
As another reviewer said, this is a film you either love or hate. I found it to be somewhat predictable but even so I thought the ideas and the technology presented were close enough to reality that they are worth considering. This is NOT a film bashing gamers. It IS a film that makes you stop and think about where technology is and where it’s going. I saw it twice in theaters and am buying it, but then I’m a Gerry fan and would have bought it anyway. That said, I am happy to buy this particular film because I think the ideas presented are shown in an interesting light and deserve serious debate. It’s a shame Gamer didn’t receive more advertising as I think that was what kept it from becoming more successful. There are so many films that are just bland and boring that have bigger box office receipts, Gamer could have done so much better with proper backing. I do think the acting was good (especially Logan Lerman playing the teen controller, and of course Michael C Hall) and there are some plot elements that I didn’t see coming, so overall I give this film four stars.
Tags: B002SG7Z8Y, DVD, Gamer Blu-ray, Gamer Blu-ray-Retail $39.99! Sale Only $18.49!
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